The One

Listen to your GUT.

I just wanted to take a second here to discuss something that frequently pops up in my news feed on Facebook.

As a writer [ha – or, you know, blogger], I like to follow other blogs.

One that I follow is called PuckerMob. Essentially I think it’s just a general blogger site where anybody can sign up and post whatever they feel. Not sure, to be honest.

Anyway.. It’s one that I follow. And the posts constantly pop up in my newsfeed on Facebook. And every once in a while one will catch my eye because I feel like it’s something that I can relate to.

Lately, though, I’ve been having a hard time with the posts popping up. And maybe it’s because I’m in such a good, happy place in my life right now that I just literally can no longer relate to how these people are feeling.. BUT, regardless, some of the things people have been writing about are just SO depressing and self mutilating, in a sense.

For example, about two months ago, a post popped up that I was 100% on board with and, in fact, wrote a relatable post about but didn’t end up going public with. The premise of this woman’s post was that she felt she had met “The One” and that he also ended up being “The One That Got Away.” She wrote that she was so afraid to be herself with him in fear that she’d lose him, and so therefore she was so calculated about what she said and how she acted around him. And, in the end, she lost him anyway.

Around the time I came across this post, I was feeling a similar feeling about a guy I had dated several months back. A month-and-a-half post break up and I still couldn’t get him out of my head – I constantly felt like I had lost “my person.” We had this instant connection and I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame – and yet I could never let my guard down around him, could never truly and fully reveal myself to him. Looking back on it now, I was never actually comfortable around him. He exuded this “perfect” persona and consistently had this judgmental air about him that kept me from warming up and opening up to him. I am the first to admit that I’m a bit of a weirdo. Having spent the better part of my life as shy and introverted I’ve definitely just become accustomed to accepting myself for who I am. And when I didn’t feel like I could be that person around this guy, I should have known that something wasn’t quite right.

And now I’ve met somebody who, from the get-go, I’ve been able to completely be myself with. He knows everything about me [and vice-versa] and I’ve never felt ashamed about my past choices nor have I ever felt uncomfortable around him. Suffice it to say that he actually likes and matches my weirdness with his own. And, BONUS, he makes me want to be a better person.

My point? WHY do we do this to ourselves? Why do we get so lost in these emotions and let them dictate our lives? And why do we hold onto these feelings for so long? If we constantly think that somebody got away or allow ourselves to miss somebody who, in the grand scheme of things, really didn’t impact our lives for that long of a time, we will lose out on so many other BETTER opportunities.

Case in point: the minute I gave up on this guy, and the second I let go of the grudge I’d been holding against another ex, I met somebody. Karma? Heck yes.

Don’t waste valuable time, emotions and energy on people and things that you know deep down in your gut are not worth it. There are always warning signals in these situations. ALWAYS. Every time I’ve gone been heading into a black hole there have been signs warning me against the plunge.. And I’ve ignored them. Every time. And I’ve had to suffer the consequences.

This new guy? No bad signs. No warning signals. No negativity.

The lesson here? Karma spits out what you feed it. So give good to karma and it will give good to you. And listen to your gut and your soul. They are never wrong!

Swine Flu

For many people, trust is something that must be earned.

For others, like myself, it is something that is given freely. Why shouldn’t I trust you until you [potentially] give me a reason not to?

I wouldn’t be completely honest if I said that this is a mentality that I am able to stick to 100% of the time. Especially at this stage in my life, smack dab in my prime for settling down and starting a family.

Which brings me to my point of this post: Where have all the good men gone?

No, but seriously.. Where are they?

Nearly every guy I’ve ever met has some sort of commitment issue, and it almost always boils down to one of two things: a fucked up family or a fucked up break up.

Okay, I get it. I don’t have a messed up family, but I’ve had more than my fair share of bad relationships.

So, just because a few people hurt me doesn’t mean that the rest of the men that I meet will.

Right?

The truth is, I really don’t know anymore.

I have a handful of guys that I associate with, but it’s by no means on a regular basis. My network of friends is mostly just all women. So it came as a surprise to me when, last week, two men that I hadn’t spoken to in at least ten months, contacted me out of the blue, within 24 hours of each other. Two men who do not know each other in any way, which means that these were two completely isolated incidents.

The beautiful thing about social media is its ability to share all sorts of information about the people you network with. So, because of Facebook, I happen to know that both of these guys are in relationships. One of them for almost a year, and the other for several months. Both relationships are serious enough that the couples have traveled on extravagant trips, and one pair actually lives together.

So imagine my surprise [and utter disgust] when both of them contact me for more than just casual conversation [aka “sexting”].

The first guy backed off when I said that I’m not into that, especially when a man is already spoken for. The second guy would not let it go. “It’s completely natural to want other people. I would go crazy if I couldn’t contact other women. It’s just the way I am. We have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy.”

Um, EXCUSE ME?!

It might be natural to be attracted to other people [I mean, who the hell hasn’t posted a #MCM or a #WCW of their celebrity crush on Instagram?], but it is not natural to want to converse inappropriately with people who are not your significant other.

And you, sir, may have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy, but does your girlfriend know anything about this policy? I have been in your girlfriend’s position. I have gone through my boyfriend’s phone because I’ve been suspicious, and I have stumbled upon the sort of conversations that made me see red. And let me tell you, there is no worse feeling than thinking that you just simply aren’t enough.

How can we live in a society where there is so little commitment to the ones that we supposedly care for? So just because you take her on fancy trips and you let her live in your million dollar flat in San Francisco rent-free, you think you can do whatever the fuck you want?!

And you all wonder where the saying, “Men are Pigs” came from..

SHAKING MY EFFING HEAD.

Listen up, fellas.. Here’s a bit of advice: don’t continue a relationship with somebody if they aren’t fulfilling all of your needs.

And, on the other hand, don’t you dare judge a woman because she sleeps around and doesn’t want to commit to a man – because THIS IS WHY.

I’m not saying that the ladies are perfect. I know there’s a reason that you men act the way you do. Some woman out there broke your heart because she wanted to have her cake and eat it too.

But don’t risk a relationship that could potentially be “The One” because you’re afraid.

And this goes for EVERYBODY.

I, personally, have wasted enough [read: too much] time on relationships that never had a chance from the get-go. I’m all about the “fixer-upper.” Like a moth to a flame. So I try to be honest now when I just don’t feel like it’s going to work out. That doesn’t make me a bitch and it doesn’t make me heartless – it just means that I’m not going to lead you on.

The fact of the matter is, we are all going to get our hearts broken at some point. It’s how we learn what it is that we do and don’t want in a relationship, and what we will look for in the next person or people we date.

But if we never put ourselves out there, how will we ever know?

There are some people who say that humans were not wired for monogamy. That may have been true in the earliest development of the human race, in which procreation and survival were the only two reasons for our existence. But that cannot be true anymore. We have progressed too much over time, and we have so much going on in our lives. To say that we are on this earth simply to sleep around is clearly not giving us enough credit.

With the everyday stresses of work, money, family – we have come to rely on the companionship of others to help us through our daily grinds. Isn’t it natural that we’d seek out one person to be our rock and our foundation through it all?

I’d like to think so.

Life is just too damn short to be wasting your time, and, for that matter, anybody else’s time.

So clean out your sop bucket and prepare for a new meal.