I’m a woman of few relationships.
I tend to stray to the side of independence. Who needs men and all that, right?
A week ago, my family lost somebody near and very dear to our hearts – my paternal grandmother.
My grandparents were married for 66 years. They met when they were in high school – HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS. How often does that happen these days? Uh, yeah – NEVER.
Last Friday, my whole family, all seven of us, gathered around as my grandmother slipped peacefully off into another life. It was emotional for all of us, as it would be for any other family, I think.
But on that day, the most emotional vision I experienced was my grandpa – a generally stoic man who, on the scale of emotions goes, displays only the very minimum required in any situation. And while we all cried for the sake of losing a loved one, my grandpa sobbed onto my grandmother’s lifeless shoulder because he had lost something that day that none of us had – his soulmate.
It was that moment that I had a total and complete epiphany about my life – about everyone in it, about the relationships I’ve had, the choices I’ve made. Not only did I feel sadness about losing my grandma, but I also felt regret, and anger and stupidity at myself. Life is short; life is precious. I realized that I didn’t want to waste another second of it being young and dumb and careless.
I’m not sure if I believe in angels or heaven, but I do believe that when our loved ones pass on they watch over those who survive them. The day after my grandma passed, I went out with a guy who had been trying to get me out for a week. I know what you’re thinking – way to freakin’ mourn. But we all grieve differently. I don’t like to stay inside and cry. I need air in my lungs and the thrill of life. That is how I deal with loss.
But back to this guy. He stuck out my emotional rollercoaster over my grandma for a week. He was supportive and sweet for the six days that I struggled with watching her slip away from planet earth. And I didn’t even know the guy. We had only met one time. And because he was so patient and understanding, I thought, “What the hell. Why not give the guy a chance?”
And so I did.
And it was absolutely one of the funnest nights of my whole life.
He took my mind off of everything, and I found myself having such an easy connection with him.
When we parted ways, I was completely surprised to find myself missing him (a feeling I am not at all familiar with, as I tend to prefer my solitude and peace; in fact, usually the situation is reversed).
I’ve spent the last week getting to know this man. I’ve had so many laughs, the conversation has flowed so easily and freely, and for some reason every emotional wall that I’ve ever had up just wants to come tumbling down.
I have no idea if anything will ever come of this, but I do believe that my grandmother placed this person in my life for a reason. It’s like she knew, due to past relationships, that I was closing myself off emotionally from the potential to find love.
So for this, grandma, I want to say thank you. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, but there is nothing like the ups and downs of emotions to remind us that, at the end of the day, we are all human. And we are programmed to find love. There is someone (or, perhaps, many someones) out there for all of us – we just have to be open to finding out and open to sticking it out.
Until death do us part.