Relationships

Solo Girl vs. Taken Girl: Bridging the Gap

You guys know me. You know I’m aaallllll about that independent woman ish. I advocate it, I constantly write about it – I preach it, fo sho.

BUT, now that I’m in a relationship, I kinda sorta forget that I should probably write about how to consolidate the two.

Because, let’s be honest, I am totally guilty of being THAT girl who’s got the perfect life […according to Instagram].

* Here’s my boyfriend and I – smiling and happy.*
* Here I am with my family – we have this amazing house in Tahoe and we hike and play games together.*
* Dobie/Mama selfie!*

GAG. Life is SO not like that on the backside. Like.. Sooooo not.

Let’s face it. Life is HARD. And relationships aren’t perfect. And if I’m really real with myself, I have struggled a bit with getting back to who I was B.R. [before relationship]. And NOT, to be clear, NOT the party girl with the wild heart. Not her. Definitely do not miss her. But the me who enjoyed doing things by myself, who had girls nights, bonded with my dog and crafted things and had a life of my own.

Now, don’t get that confused with wanting to be by myself. That’s not what I’m saying. I love my guy. LOVE the man. And spending time with him is one of my newest favorite pastimes.

But, finding a balance between my new life and my old life has presented quite a challenge for me.

Exhibit A: family time. I love my parents. They are amazing people. They have this love and this bond that I’ve just always admired and always wanted for myself. And prior to my boyfriend, I spent a LOT of time with them. And now that I’ve got this relationship, we’ve all had a rough time with the fact that my time is more occupied nowadays. Sometimes I just feel like I’m spread so thin, like the last thing I have time for right now is a last minute family dinner. But I feel this horrible guilt for saying no. At what point does the guilt stop? At what point will they accept that I just don’t have time this week? Maybe it’s something that never goes away. I don’t know, and it’s a learning curve for sure.

Exhibit B: Miss Bella. My heart and soul. The furry girl that has gotten me through some of my lowest and hardest times. My rock. I can tell that even she is feeling the growing pains of this new relationship; of this new schedule and this new life. Now that we’ve moved in with my guy, we are dead center of suburbia. There aren’t really any places where she can run off leash and chase wild animals, which is her THING. We’ve done so much of our bonding on nature hikes and walks – being surrounded by concrete has really pushed us off of our normal routine, and she has definitely balked at me trying to get that back at it in our new location. Again, a learning curve – finding what works and what doesn’t [and the diminishing daylight and my full-time schedule doesn’t help this matter].

Exhibit C: ME.

When I first moved in with my boyfriend, I wanted to DID devote everything I had to making his house “ours.” I threw myself into decorating the bedrooms, painting the walls, organizing cabinets and marrying all of our stuff, etc. etc. And then all of a sudden I was done decorating – and it was like, so sudden that I was almost depressed afterwards. What now? I hadn’t brought any of my old routine into my new one. I literally felt lost. Who am I now? I’m not single Sarah – I’m not the wild girl who went out every weekend until 3 or 4 in the morning and got right up in the morning and did it all over again. I’m not single Sarah who could do anything she wanted, hang out with anyone she wanted, whenever she wanted. So who had I become?

And that therein lay the problem. I didn’t know. And when I don’t know, I become self destructive.

“I cleaned the house today, I deserve a glass of wine.” *Drinks three [four] glasses of wine.*
“I’m bored and my boyfriend still isn’t home.. Guess I’ll see what’s happening on Facebook.” *Stalks every ex-boyfriend and their current girlfriends and dredges up memories.*
“I’m done decorating and I have no hobbies anymore. Shopping it is!” *Spends $1000 at the mall.*

It was after several weeks of this type of behavior, AND feeling disconnected from my boyfriend on top of it [because clearly I wasn’t happy with myself], I realized that I was starting to head down an all to familiar [and not at all positive] path. A path that was the reason that I never found a decent man, and was about to the reason I lost the only good one I’ve ever had – unless I drastically changed something.

I knew what my problem was. Whether I wanted to believe it or not, my lifestyle had changed [for the better, yes, but it had changed all the same]. My old friends from my single life were bound to me by one thing: drinking. Okay two things: drinking and being single. And losing my single status meant losing people who, if I’m being honest, weren’t really “friends” in the dictionary definition type of way. They were more fair-weather, if you know what I mean. And there was no reason to be out partying and “man hunting” when I already had a man.

So, the point of this whole thing – how am I bridging the gap? How am I meshing my two worlds?

In the best ways possible.

I finally got back in to working out and running again, and this time I’m in it harder than ever. After packing on some happy relationship weight, I am ready to shed off the fat and pack on the curves in the RIGHT places [I am a woman after all, and curves are our THING]. I’m also looking in to taking some photography classes – I’ve always loved it, I’ve just never had the proper skill set and training to actually be good at it. I’m hoping that once I’ve got a bit of training under my belt, I can capture some photos to display in my new home with my guy. And maybe some crafting that will speak to the masculine vibe we have going in our house.

I’m not sure what my future holds, but I do know that I’m finally on the right path. I’m finally on a healthy and happy path. And while I’m still figuring out that proper balance in my life, I am enjoying every minute of the journey.

I Now Pronounce You.. Minister of a Nondenominational Church

Many of you may remember that just a little over a year ago I was maid of honor in a wedding. A wedding that was elegant, beautiful, detailed – the bride thought of everything. From the lovely bouquets in which she specifically and thoroughly picked which blooms she wanted to include, to the hand-dyed silk ribbons that adorned the bouquets and boutonnieres and wound their way through the reception tables’ centerpieces, to the couture wedding dress that made her look like a Disney princess as she and her groom danced their first dance as husband and wife under the twinkling white lights that were strung from tree to tree.

It was, for lack of better expression, the wedding that every little girl dreams of having one day.

And until a few months ago, I sort of figured that’s how most weddings are. Everything you see on social media is generally the same [aside from the theme and color scheme, of course]. White dress + groom + bridal party + flowers + aisle + alter + wedding guests + reception. All of it is always there.

Well, almost always.

My best friend got engaged two winters’ ago, and, due to the fact that her fiance had never even wanted to get married [or so we all thought], they decided to keep their wedding very small. Family and close, close friends only.

But, even small weddings are costly and stressful. After a couple of months of trying to find a venue they liked under $10,000 [with no luck], they decided to forgo a “traditional” wedding altogether. After a couple of Google searches and a call to the city of San Marcos, it was determined that only two other bodies were needed for the couple to say their “I Do’s” – a witness and an officiant.

And so it came to be, after a drunken FaceTime from the two of them last fall in which my best friend and her fiance asked me to officiate their wedding, that I would be their ordained minister. I used the website my aunt and uncle got ordained through, went online, and [literally] two minutes later I was official. Sarah Jack, Ordained Minister of the Universal Life Church, Nondenominational. At your service!

After a weekend of bachelorette festivities in Temecula, California, and absolutely zero wedding planning whatsoever [save for the location and the accommodations], the three of us set off for Avila Beach, just north of Pismo and just west of San Luis Obispo. A place near and dear to all of our hearts. The groom’s best friend, the witness, was to meet us there.

Up until the week leading up to the wedding, I had no nerves or qualms about the upcoming nuptials. I figured once I knew what my friends’ vows would be, I could form my speech around that. That idea went right out the window the minute I heard that they hadn’t written any vows. “We’ll figure it out when the time comes,” my best friend said. Having nothing to relate to except for the carefully planned and detailed wedding that I had been a part of last spring, I had difficulty wrapping my mind around the casualty of it all. And that’s when my nerves started to set in. Now what would I say? Would I even be able to find words? At what point do I read them the traditional “I Do’s” and initiate the giving of the rings?

I needn’t have worried so much, if at all. The day of the wedding was like any other day of the year. My speech came together that morning, and then the four of us had breakfast on the beach and spent the rest of the day sightseeing. It wasn’t until six pm when it was time for us all to get ready that the soon-to-be bride and groom first parted ways. They were married just after sunset, on Avila Beach, with one witness and one ordained minister – the air was warm, the sky was beautiful, the water was calm – the evening was absolutely perfect. The entire day was perfect. Perfect for them.

The experience itself is one I will treasure forever and never forget. Having the opportunity to officiate a wedding was nerve wracking, but so amazing and unique – something I may never have the opportunity to do again and I’m so, so glad that I did. If anybody ever asks you to officiate their wedding – DO IT. Do it, do it, DO IT! You will not regret it. It is both exciting and humbling, and, for me, it really gave me a new perspective on love. And, while a bit intimidating, it gave me a chance to say something heartfelt and meaningful to two people who are promising their lives and their souls to one another. The last words they will hear before being bound in holy matrimony.

If it sounds so final and so binding – it’s because it is. But it isn’t scary. It’s exciting. It’s the adventure of a lifetime. And having the power to send them off on that crazy adventure is something I hope everyone will be able to experience at one time or another.

 

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Listen to your GUT.

I just wanted to take a second here to discuss something that frequently pops up in my news feed on Facebook.

As a writer [ha – or, you know, blogger], I like to follow other blogs.

One that I follow is called PuckerMob. Essentially I think it’s just a general blogger site where anybody can sign up and post whatever they feel. Not sure, to be honest.

Anyway.. It’s one that I follow. And the posts constantly pop up in my newsfeed on Facebook. And every once in a while one will catch my eye because I feel like it’s something that I can relate to.

Lately, though, I’ve been having a hard time with the posts popping up. And maybe it’s because I’m in such a good, happy place in my life right now that I just literally can no longer relate to how these people are feeling.. BUT, regardless, some of the things people have been writing about are just SO depressing and self mutilating, in a sense.

For example, about two months ago, a post popped up that I was 100% on board with and, in fact, wrote a relatable post about but didn’t end up going public with. The premise of this woman’s post was that she felt she had met “The One” and that he also ended up being “The One That Got Away.” She wrote that she was so afraid to be herself with him in fear that she’d lose him, and so therefore she was so calculated about what she said and how she acted around him. And, in the end, she lost him anyway.

Around the time I came across this post, I was feeling a similar feeling about a guy I had dated several months back. A month-and-a-half post break up and I still couldn’t get him out of my head – I constantly felt like I had lost “my person.” We had this instant connection and I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame – and yet I could never let my guard down around him, could never truly and fully reveal myself to him. Looking back on it now, I was never actually comfortable around him. He exuded this “perfect” persona and consistently had this judgmental air about him that kept me from warming up and opening up to him. I am the first to admit that I’m a bit of a weirdo. Having spent the better part of my life as shy and introverted I’ve definitely just become accustomed to accepting myself for who I am. And when I didn’t feel like I could be that person around this guy, I should have known that something wasn’t quite right.

And now I’ve met somebody who, from the get-go, I’ve been able to completely be myself with. He knows everything about me [and vice-versa] and I’ve never felt ashamed about my past choices nor have I ever felt uncomfortable around him. Suffice it to say that he actually likes and matches my weirdness with his own. And, BONUS, he makes me want to be a better person.

My point? WHY do we do this to ourselves? Why do we get so lost in these emotions and let them dictate our lives? And why do we hold onto these feelings for so long? If we constantly think that somebody got away or allow ourselves to miss somebody who, in the grand scheme of things, really didn’t impact our lives for that long of a time, we will lose out on so many other BETTER opportunities.

Case in point: the minute I gave up on this guy, and the second I let go of the grudge I’d been holding against another ex, I met somebody. Karma? Heck yes.

Don’t waste valuable time, emotions and energy on people and things that you know deep down in your gut are not worth it. There are always warning signals in these situations. ALWAYS. Every time I’ve gone been heading into a black hole there have been signs warning me against the plunge.. And I’ve ignored them. Every time. And I’ve had to suffer the consequences.

This new guy? No bad signs. No warning signals. No negativity.

The lesson here? Karma spits out what you feed it. So give good to karma and it will give good to you. And listen to your gut and your soul. They are never wrong!

Exposed

For most of my life I’ve been shy. It’s no secret – anybody who knew me growing up definitely knew this about me. Being the center of attention has never been at the top of my list of favorite things. Especially around people I don’t know or when it comes to public speaking.

The last year or two I’ve definitely grown as an individual. It’s pretty amazing how life experiences can make you a different person [if you let them – and you should].

Often times we make the same mistakes over and over again. We never learn from them or allow ourselves to learn from them. And we sit around and wonder why we do these things to ourselves. Why the self destruction?

Let’s be honest for a minute here. Isn’t it really because deep down some of us love the drama? Is it because we’re afraid that if we find a sense of normalcy that life will just be plain boring?

My adult life [let’s assume 18 is “adult” in this situation] has been a series of bad boyfriends intermixed with spells of singledom and wildness. And for what? What has it brought me? What has it helped me to accomplish?

A lot, actually. And maybe not right away – in fact, it’s taken me ten years to really realize my self-worth. But it’s the experiences I’ve had that have brought me to this point today.

Two weeks ago I went on a date with a new guy. A guy from the internet, yes. I’m not afraid or ashamed to admit it because this is the way we are now. First world dating, that is.

Anyway, we spent five hours in sweat pants eating sandwiches and talking. Hands down one of the best dates I’ve been on so far [not that I’ve been on too many, mind you, but regardless]. Over the course of the five hours, one of the things he asked me that really resonated in my mind was, “What are your biggest fears?” Having spent ten years with boyfriends who preferred partying, drinking and drugs to, you know, speaking, I wasn’t accustomed to having an actual real conversation with a guy. Or, really, having somebody take an interest in anything except for my physical appearance, like, oh – I don’t know – my BRAIN.

Let me tell you – it was seriously refreshing.

And attractive. Really attractive.

And at first I didn’t know how to answer the question.

What are my biggest fears? Immediately, I thought, “death.” But with my grandmother passing away earlier this year, I realized that it was no longer a fear of mine. Having a loved one pass on made me strangely at peace with the idea of someday inevitably losing my own life as well.

So what else, then? I hate the actual feeling of fear. I don’t like to be scared. Scary movies, haunted houses, creepy situations – those are things that are “fears.” But they aren’t life altering. They aren’t things that linger in the back of my mind every day and keep me from living my life.

It took me two weeks, and today it finally dawned on me.

I fear feelings. I fear letting my guard down. I fear letting my walls down. I fear letting somebody into my heart because he might have the potential to really hurt me. I fear emotional pain.

I’m generally a pretty hard-hearted individual. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve. I hate crying. When it comes to dating, if I’m not into you, you’ll know it. I’m not going to waste my time. I’m not going to reveal too much of myself because I don’t see the point and I don’t like you enough to give you more than my surface. Some people may see that as a game. But it’s not a game – I’m not playing hard to get – I just don’t like you.

But, in the extremely rare circumstance that I actually do like somebody, I’m all in. I love hard. Because if you’re going to expose somebody to all of your inner workings and the things that make you tick, you might as well give them your all, right? What’s the point of holding back? What do you have to lose? This could be why I’ve only had a few boyfriends in my day. I don’t ever trust my heart enough to let a man in.

YES – sometimes we get hurt by the people we care about. I’ve been hurt by many guys I’ve dated as well as girl friends, and vice-versa of course. But I can’t let the fear of feeling that pain again keep me from potentially wonderful experiences. Because it won’t kill me. Yes, it’s cliche – but it won’t kill me, it will make me stronger.

I constantly have to remind myself not to let past relationships set the precedent for future ones. The beauty of this planet is that no two people are the same. And while I often times forget this, it is ever evident as I am exposed to more and more new people every single day.

I will leave you with this – don’t let your fears stand in your way. Because at the end of the day that’s all they are: fears. A single word. An idea. A mental block. They aren’t tangible. You can’t hold them. They aren’t a physical wall stopping you from living your life [although sometimes that would be easier because we could just take a mallet to it and knock it down]. Only you are keeping yourself from living your life to the fullest. It’s taken me a long time to realize this and to even begin to start to understand this about myself, but I’m learning. Every single day.

The [Computer] Key To My Heart?

It should be abundantly clear by now that I am extremely forward thinking when it comes to feminism and the importance of being an independent woman [or man, for that matter].

That said, I am very old fashioned when it comes to dating. I’m still holding out hope that I’ll meet my prince charming the traditional way [aka – not the internet].

In this day and age, however, the importance of cocktails and a one-night-stand seems to be at the forefront of every twenty-something’s mind, and, call me crazy, but I highly highly doubt that Mr. Right is lurking in some dark corner of a divey bar. Not impossible, but definitely not probable.

Despite my best efforts to meet a guy the normal way, I decided I couldn’t very well write off internet dating without actually having tried it. So I did. Well, sort of.

I chose Match.com as my dating platform. While I’m sure a small handful of you have had success stories via Tinder or POF, I was never brave enough to ever meet anybody face-to-face. I figured with a site that required payment to proceed, the creepfest would be more diminished.

That was a false hope.

Okay well kind of. There were actually probably a lot of great guys on the site, but seriously.. I have never had so much trouble navigating a website. Here’s a little tip, Match.. SIMPLIFY.

FOH REALZ.

Within thirty minutes I had, like, 95 emails in my inbox telling me that people viewed my profile, they liked my profile, they winked at me [da fuq is that? Like a Facebook poke?], they sent me a message, they favorited me, they’re interested in me, they want to instant message.

I was so overwhelmed with the sudden onslaught of activity that I almost deleted my profile right then. To hell with that $40 for 30 days, right?

Okay not quite. I don’t think Match gives refunds if you only sign up for an hour..

I stuck it out for 21 days [ish]. I took my time, filled out my profile, answered all the questions, added some pictures. And after all that, I gave my number to two guys who, as it turns out, don’t even live in Sac. Super awesome. $40 dollars and some wasted time later..

Okay, okay, okay.. I can’t get too opinionated about this because, to be completely honest, I just did not have the time or energy to devote to trying to meet somebody online. I know a lot of people that have had a lot of success with it, but, alas, I am not one.

Hmm, but I haven’t tried kissing frogs yet..

[Almost] Thirty, Flirty & Thriving

Social media is so love/hate for me.

For instance, I hate that people cause and feed into drama and put it “on blast,” if you will. Listen, I understand you need to vent, but seriously, get a fucking diary or unload to your friends [if you have any]. Nobody else needs to get involved in something that is none of their business.

However, on the flip side, one of the things I love about social media is that there are always links to news articles or surveys or things of that nature that I love to read and review.

Last night a friend on Facebook posted a link to an article from the Business Insider about improving and focusing on thyself [to read the article, click here]. And of course I was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. If you follow my blog you know that I am extremely passionate about the topic [and implementation] of bettering yourself. And I really feel like this has been one of the best articles I’ve come across, to date, as far as what you need to focus on at a certain age.

When you’re in your early twenties, life is really all about self discovery. So few of us really know who we are before we’re of a legal age [and I would say this mostly applies to Americans, which is ironic, since our country is so fond of it’s “land of the free” ways, and yet we have so few freedoms until 18, 21 and 25]. When we’re young, we all want to be popular and well-liked [well, most of us]. We do things like sneak out of our houses and tee-pee people’s homes and soap the local fountains because we think people will like us more. Because society tells us that it’s “the cool thing to do.” And then after high school we realize that all of that crap was so dumb and juvenile and then panic sets in because, holy shit, who the hell are we now? What do we do to meet people and get with the “in” crowd? And, holy shit, there is no “in” crowd because we are in college or we have a job and now it’s every man for himself. So we drink and do drugs because it puts down our walls and we think that this will help us to meet people – and we make bonds with people we have nothing in common with because, frankly, the only thing we actually have in common is that we’ve downed several cocktails.

Alas, the path to self discovery. And so many of us lose sight of who we are in the mix of all of this. We get used to defining ourselves based off of who we are with other people, or what society tells us we should be doing, and we know deep down in our hearts that it’s not right.

I have never been somebody who needs somebody else. Truly, if anybody designed the “third wheel,” it was me. I literally third wheeled it all through my youth. And I never actually minded. It taught me a great deal about reading other people and, most importantly, it taught me so much about myself.

Do you know who you are as a solo, individual human? Or is your being defined by your significant other?

I know too many people [mostly women but a few men as well] that are so lost in life because the minute they find themselves alone [which is often, because nobody wants to date somebody who has no clue who they are] they go completely insane and jump into the arms of the next person who crosses their path. And the vicious cycle continues..

The article I read explains that this sort of behavior is completely acceptable in our teens and twenties, but, by the time we reach our thirties, we should know who we are and we shouldn’t have this wild mustang mentality any longer. It’s time to lock down a real life and focus on being the best person you can be.

I am two years shy of thirty [thank god – I cannot wait to get out of this dreadful decade], and already I am starting to implement some of the things outlined in the article. And I love that each of the ten bullet points is all about improving yourself and yourself alone. BUT, the article doesn’t assume that you’re alone; in fact, everything the writer talks about can be improved upon while simultaneously being in a relationship. They are things that, if you are in a relationship, you can both work on and encourage each other on.

But the bottom line is, at some point you have to grow up. The article basically gives you a soft timeline. It gives you thirty years to fuck off. That seems like plenty of time to get it out of your system, don’t you think? And in thirty years, don’t you want to know who you are and be comfortable with that? In sense, it actually changes the rules that society has practically embedded in stone – that we must own a home, be married and have our act together the minute we graduate college. The article is giving us an additional eight years to continue our youth and sow our wild oats, if you will.

Obviously this is not something that everybody will be able [or want] to abide by. Some people will never know who they are. Life will be a constant cycle of jumping from one “Mr. Right” to the next, and from one group of friends to another. Others will have their act together right out of school, with a great job and a college sweetheart and a white picket fence.

And while we are all so drastically different from one another, we do all have one thing in common: the power to change. The power to change our lives; the power to see the world differently; the power to make decisions because they’re the right decisions, not necessarily the ones we want; and, most importantly, the power of our minds – the will to actually change and improve. Because, as I’ve stated in many of my posts, the only person standing in your way is yourself.

Swine Flu

For many people, trust is something that must be earned.

For others, like myself, it is something that is given freely. Why shouldn’t I trust you until you [potentially] give me a reason not to?

I wouldn’t be completely honest if I said that this is a mentality that I am able to stick to 100% of the time. Especially at this stage in my life, smack dab in my prime for settling down and starting a family.

Which brings me to my point of this post: Where have all the good men gone?

No, but seriously.. Where are they?

Nearly every guy I’ve ever met has some sort of commitment issue, and it almost always boils down to one of two things: a fucked up family or a fucked up break up.

Okay, I get it. I don’t have a messed up family, but I’ve had more than my fair share of bad relationships.

So, just because a few people hurt me doesn’t mean that the rest of the men that I meet will.

Right?

The truth is, I really don’t know anymore.

I have a handful of guys that I associate with, but it’s by no means on a regular basis. My network of friends is mostly just all women. So it came as a surprise to me when, last week, two men that I hadn’t spoken to in at least ten months, contacted me out of the blue, within 24 hours of each other. Two men who do not know each other in any way, which means that these were two completely isolated incidents.

The beautiful thing about social media is its ability to share all sorts of information about the people you network with. So, because of Facebook, I happen to know that both of these guys are in relationships. One of them for almost a year, and the other for several months. Both relationships are serious enough that the couples have traveled on extravagant trips, and one pair actually lives together.

So imagine my surprise [and utter disgust] when both of them contact me for more than just casual conversation [aka “sexting”].

The first guy backed off when I said that I’m not into that, especially when a man is already spoken for. The second guy would not let it go. “It’s completely natural to want other people. I would go crazy if I couldn’t contact other women. It’s just the way I am. We have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy.”

Um, EXCUSE ME?!

It might be natural to be attracted to other people [I mean, who the hell hasn’t posted a #MCM or a #WCW of their celebrity crush on Instagram?], but it is not natural to want to converse inappropriately with people who are not your significant other.

And you, sir, may have a don’t ask, don’t tell policy, but does your girlfriend know anything about this policy? I have been in your girlfriend’s position. I have gone through my boyfriend’s phone because I’ve been suspicious, and I have stumbled upon the sort of conversations that made me see red. And let me tell you, there is no worse feeling than thinking that you just simply aren’t enough.

How can we live in a society where there is so little commitment to the ones that we supposedly care for? So just because you take her on fancy trips and you let her live in your million dollar flat in San Francisco rent-free, you think you can do whatever the fuck you want?!

And you all wonder where the saying, “Men are Pigs” came from..

SHAKING MY EFFING HEAD.

Listen up, fellas.. Here’s a bit of advice: don’t continue a relationship with somebody if they aren’t fulfilling all of your needs.

And, on the other hand, don’t you dare judge a woman because she sleeps around and doesn’t want to commit to a man – because THIS IS WHY.

I’m not saying that the ladies are perfect. I know there’s a reason that you men act the way you do. Some woman out there broke your heart because she wanted to have her cake and eat it too.

But don’t risk a relationship that could potentially be “The One” because you’re afraid.

And this goes for EVERYBODY.

I, personally, have wasted enough [read: too much] time on relationships that never had a chance from the get-go. I’m all about the “fixer-upper.” Like a moth to a flame. So I try to be honest now when I just don’t feel like it’s going to work out. That doesn’t make me a bitch and it doesn’t make me heartless – it just means that I’m not going to lead you on.

The fact of the matter is, we are all going to get our hearts broken at some point. It’s how we learn what it is that we do and don’t want in a relationship, and what we will look for in the next person or people we date.

But if we never put ourselves out there, how will we ever know?

There are some people who say that humans were not wired for monogamy. That may have been true in the earliest development of the human race, in which procreation and survival were the only two reasons for our existence. But that cannot be true anymore. We have progressed too much over time, and we have so much going on in our lives. To say that we are on this earth simply to sleep around is clearly not giving us enough credit.

With the everyday stresses of work, money, family – we have come to rely on the companionship of others to help us through our daily grinds. Isn’t it natural that we’d seek out one person to be our rock and our foundation through it all?

I’d like to think so.

Life is just too damn short to be wasting your time, and, for that matter, anybody else’s time.

So clean out your sop bucket and prepare for a new meal.