Selfies That Aren’t Really Selfies

As a woman in today’s society, I am all for female empowerment. I love that more and more women are holding high ranking positions in companies across the nation. I think it’s so great that ladies are making a name for themselves through social media with style and lifestyle blogs and fitness careers. I even think it’s great that a gal can snag a modeling career through Instagram. What I can’t get on board with, though, are the selfies that aren’t selfies.

What are selfies that aren’t selfies? They are photos that women take where it’s heavy on the cleavage and light to nonexistent on anything else [I know you know what photos I’m talking about]. It’s always the same women who post them – an abundance of fake [occasionally real] breasts which take up 3/4 of the photo, and a smidgen of face, clothes [if any] and other paraphernalia that are smashed into the remaining quarter.

And don’t say it’s a “fake boob thing” because it’s not. I know several women with implants who don’t flaunt them a single bit.

I truly don’t understand why certain women do this. Is it an insecurity thing? Do they need the validation that they look good because 85 men [horny, noncommittal men] commented on a photo of their breasts? Maybe it’s a cry for attention? Whatever it is, it’s not attracting anything positive.

When I was going through my rough patch in life when I wasn’t sure who I was or what I wanted to do with my life, I thought I could be friends with and become one of those women. But, every time I’d even try taking a booby selfie, I’d get extremely uncomfortable and just give up. Clearly a sign that it wasn’t the type of attention I wanted to draw to myself.

I actually used to be really good friends with a girl who was [and still is] just like this. She posts at least one cleavage selfie every day. Usually there’s a coffee mug or some sort of alcohol involved. And on top of the selfies, she posts dirty, inappropriate quotes, and occasionally intermixes a family photo in which she is wearing something extremely revealing and not at all family friendly. She gets hundreds of likes and comments on her photos, tons of private/direct messages – mostly friend men, but some from women who are like her, too. I used to get so jealous before I realized that not a single one of the people contacting her respected her nor wanted to commit to her. The men want one thing: sex. And the women validate her because they are exactly the same.

I understand that most humans go through a time in our lives where we fall off track a little. We lose our way. We waver from what we do know to what we don’t know. But most of the time we get back on the straight and narrow. We find ourselves again. We settle into a comfortable, healthy lifestyle and find happiness. My fiancé didn’t fall in love with me because of my looks. While I’m sure that was part of it, it wasn’t the entirety of the reason. He was attracted to me for my brain; for my ability to hold a lengthy and intelligent conversation. He loves that I’m not fake in anyway; that I dress my age and act and look classy. It makes me sad for these showy women to know that they are not happy. That even at 30+ years old, women can still have major insecurities and not enough self-love.

While this is obviously a female-specific habit, I think it’s a responsibility for women and men to start lifting females up in a different light. Idolizing inappropriate photos is not helping these ladies feel better about themselves. We need to show them that just because they have a body, doesn’t mean they are only physical. We all have brains, we each have personality traits, talents, likes and dislikes – let’s encourage one another to dig a little deeper and find out what’s beyond the outside. Everyone deserves to be happy and a fair chance to find it.

…And the bonus of it all will be the beautiful woman on the outside, too :)

The Social Media Facade

I think at this point in our lives, most of us can say that we use some form of social media platform on the reg.

For me, it’s Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat [although, to be honest, I mostly have the Snapchat app for the wide screen camera], of which my FB and SC are both private. In my mind, they seem to be a little bit more intimate forms of social media, so I don’t feel the need to allow just anybody to snoop in on my life. Instagram, however, is another story.

Instagram, like Twitter, has become a place for advertising and professional growth. People use it to boost their products and get their names out there. You’re limited on the amount of words and hashtags you can use in a post, which, if a reader is intrigued by a post, leaves opportunity for the poster to then direct the reader to a blog or website. And, with the recent implementation of a Snapchat-like function, and the brand new update which allows users to add multiple photos to one post, it has really opened a lot of doors for people out there who are trying to make themselves better known.

I don’t tend to post a lot of personal ish on IG. I post photos of my family, my dog, my friends and my boyfriend, and that’s it. I don’t post political opinions, or any opinions at all, for that matter. I do upload the occasional selfie – and that’s generally because my hair looks good or my make up was flawless. In short – I am not posting selfies [or any of my photos] for the likes. I’m posting them for the memories associated with them. I’d like to think that’s why most of the general public uses Instagram, but it’s not.

The invention of social media has brought many positives, but it has also produced some negatives. Celebs, public figures, athletes, etc. are so much more accessible than they used to be. We can easily see their day-to-day lives just by typing their name into a search engine. The onslaught of dysmorphia and eating disorders brought on by seeing “perfect” humans online every day has heavily increased. More and more of us feel insecure with ourselves and in relationships because everybody follows the lives of people we feel are better looking than we are. It’s easier to stay intertwined in the lives of of exes and people we no longer associate with. We see what’s happening in their lives and it makes us feel bad about ours. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others, and it absolutely needs to stop.

Social Media Facade Number 1: women who post “selfies” that are heavy on the cleavage are not secure with who they are. You should not be jealous of them. [Or, on the flipside, chiseled men who post “just outta the shower” selfies – come onnnnnnnn]. You know why they got a lot of likes on that photo? Because their tits are out. Ain’t nobody lookin’ at that face. Women who post pictures like that are insecure – they rely on how many likes and comments they get to feel better about themselves. But the people who respond to that photo are generally men who think it’ll be easy to nail that girl [which, sadly, it probably will be]. Don’t diminish your integrity for likes! You know your self worth, and that’s what matters.

Social Media Facade Number 2: people’s lives are not as perfect as they make them out to be! Oh my gawd I cannot stress this enough. I follow so many fashion and lifestyle bloggers on Instagram – it is their literal job to make it look like they are always put together; that their homes are pristine. GET REAL. All of them have children and pets – you know that white couch doesn’t stay white! And no, none of those people go to bed with their make up on or their hair done. The other day, one of these women had her baby, and she had clearly had a planned c-section and a complete makeover before she went into the hospital, because there wasn’t a single hair out of place, nor even a tiny glistening of sweat on her forehead [sidenote, I am totally not knocking c-sections, I’m 100% aware that they are necessary in the healthy delivery of a baby]. But, you guys, this woman was in the hospital with her newborn – the only reason she looked as good as she did was because that ish was going on her IG feed. Another example: I gal I know personally has been trying to gain IG celeb status over the course of the last year. She has repeatedly posted little zoomed in snippets on their decor for their new “dream home.” She gets hundreds of likes and comments from people – Ohhhh that’s going to look so good! But every once in a while, she will post something that shows that they clearly have no furnishings in their home at all [this person also claims to have a job that she obviously doesn’t have]. Case in point: don’t believe everything you see or read on Instagram.

Social Media Facade Number 3: people who make a point of constantly talking and posting about how great their lives are, are probably overcompensating. If you have to work that hard to prove to random strangers that your life is awesome, then it begs the question: Who are you actually trying to convince? Other people, or, rather, yourself?

Here’s my little tip to all of you – unfollow all the shit that makes you feel bad. I follow the fashionistas because I like their style. I rarely read the blurbs they write below their photos. I remove people from my friends lists who comment negative things or take semi-naked selfies. I follow profiles that feature puppies, beautiful or cool photos and people I like and know. While social media can be a bit of a hoax, it luckily gives you the freedom to pick and choose who and what you want to be associated with.

So go on with your bad self – post that conservative cardigan sweater selfie.