I Love You

This Is My Rooftop

You know when you’re absolutely elated about something, and there’s that expression, “I want to shout from the rooftop!”?

Well, this is my rooftop.

On this day, 365 days ago, I went on a date with a guy. A guy that wasn’t at all my type looks-wise, which used to immediately trigger a red flag. But after consistently dating my “type” and only ever finding idiots, I decided to step outside my box a little. What could it hurt?

Turns out, it really couldn’t [and didn’t] hurt.

It was a fantastic first date. He immediately checked the first box by successfully finding [and knocking on] my apartment door. My roommate and I used to joke that a guy was a keeper if he could find our apartment, because nobody we dated ever could. He took me to Old Town Sacramento, and gave me a little historical blurb about our city while he toured me around the streets. We stopped at a bar for a drink and ended up dancing to a live band with some fun, lively elderly couples. After that, we headed to Torch Club to keep dancing, and then bounced around to a couple other bars and sampled some beers in honor of it being Sac Beer Week. We closed out our date at Kupros, where some friends of mine came to meet us [and my poor date thought that was my SOS call – it was definitely not]. The conversation was easy and natural – we never had an awkward moment or felt the need to fill a pause. I didn’t expect to be swept off my feet so quickly, and I guess neither did he. But by the next day, we couldn’t wait to see each other again and had already made plans to get together that evening.

To say that this person has changed my life is an understatement. I had believed for so long that there were no longer decent men out there – in fact, I had pretty much come to terms with the fact that I would probably be 35 and heading to a sperm bank and doing the single mom thing [and I was actually okay with that]. Everyone tells you that you’ll meet somebody when you least expect it, and I can definitely attest to the fact that that couldn’t be more true.

One of the biggest issues I discovered [and struggled with] over the years of my dating journey was that so many guys carried baggage and assumed that all women were going to treat them the same in a relationship. If my ex cheated on me, then it will be just as easy for you.

True, but not a fair judgment to make when you’ve only just met a person. I pushed a lot of men away because of this – because they couldn’t give a new relationship a fair shot. It was so refreshing when I met my boyfriend, who was open about his fears, but wasn’t afraid to push through them in the hope of possibly building a relationship with me. And, to be honest, we’ve definitely had our ups and downs in this department – turns out I also have insecurities and baggage from past relationships. But I am a lucky gal to have found a guy who is willing to work through the problems together, as a TEAM.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I immediately loved our easy compatibility. Again, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we’ve never struggled to get along. We’ve never had a childish argument – we’ve never yelled or screamed or pushed each other to our limits. We are comfortable sitting together in companionable silence. We’re okay with sitting in separate rooms and doing our own things. And I love that we enjoy doing fun things together. We both like to travel – we’ve gone to Glenbrook, San Francisco and Santa Cruz together, and we’ve got several more trips planned this year. We both love beer and wine, and often times will go grab a drink together after work, or meet friends downtown to bar hop. After dating a guy who didn’t really socialize or drink, I knew that was something that I would require in a future boyfriend.

Of all of the things that I love about my relationship and my boyfriend, I think the number one thing that I love most is that he is the most personable, loving, caring and compassionate human I have ever met. He actually cares about my life and the things that I do every single day. He genuinely wants to hear every single detail. He fits right in with my family, converses easily with my friends, and meshes so will into my life. I couldn’t have picked him better if I had built the man myself.

This is definitely a bit of a bragging post, because I am super proud and happy to be with the man I’m with. But, in addition to that, it’s a post to reiterate the fact that there are good people out there in the world. There are men and women out there who actually do want a long-term relationship – who do want to get married and have babies and commit their life to somebody else. And as much as I am not proud of my previous relationships, I wouldn’t change any of the experiences that I’ve had, because they all prepared me for this one relationship. They gave me the ability to appreciate the fact that I have found an incredible human being, and I have not and will not take him for granted.

Happy One Year Anniversary to my other half; to the guy who makes my heart full and who completes my life. Every day, but today especially, I am so very grateful for you.

When You’re In A Relationship, Every Day Should Be Valentine’s Day

I’m generally not a huge proponent for Valentine’s Day. If you’ve been following my blog, you know this.

In my personal experience, Valentine’s Day has historically made women feel bad about themselves since about the age of 11, when junior high happens and people actually start “dating.” Valentine’s Day becomes a popularity contest – which girl can come out with the most flowers, candy and cards?

Truthfully, until yesterday, this holiday made me downright sick.

And not just because of how it clearly singled me out from a young age as somebody that guys weren’t doting on, but also because I don’t believe that there should just be one single day where we spoil our loved ones and do nice things for them.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s absolutely romantic that a man will take the time to send his gal flowers or her favorite box of chocolates. But what about the rest of the days of the year? Does he get a “get out of jail free” card for the rest of the 364 days?

What I’m saying is, I hope all of you are thoughtful ALL of the time. Not just on Valentine’s Day.

Yesterday, my boyfriend surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses, which were delivered to my office [I’m going to sound toooooootally hypocritical here, because I was feeling pretty special that I was the only one in the office who received a flower delivery – I know, I know, who am I?]. He also knew I was getting my hair done, and secretly paid my hairdresser ahead of time. Such a sweet guy.

But, he doesn’t just do sweet things for me on Valentine’s Day. A couple of weeks ago, he brought me flowers and wine because he knew I had a stressful day at work. He makes the bed every morning because he leaves for work after I do, and he knows I feel better if the bed is made every day [yes, I am one of those people].

For my boyfriend, I didn’t really get him anything yesterday. He’s really into Aperol Spritz’s from living in Italy for a semester a few years ago, so I got him a Spritz cocktail book. A silly gift, really, because he’ll probably never make any of the drinks, but I thought it was appropriate. I’m really more into cards [and, to be completely honest, I totally forgot that people do things for each other on Valentine’s Day. It’s been so long that I’ve actually celebrated one with a boyfriend that it completely slipped my mind].

But I try and do nice things for my boyfriend all the time. I try and keep the house clean, I surprise him with buying his favorite foods, or things I think he’ll like, from the grocery store. I leave him love notes when I’m going out of town and won’t see him for a few days; I bake him treats and cook him dinner. I try really hard to make sure he knows he’s appreciated, and he does the same for me.

I’m not saying that it’s not a wonderful feeling to be so appreciated on Valentine’s Day, because it’s an amazing and heartwarming feeling. It’s so much fun to receive flowers and little gifts from somebody who cares. But we shouldn’t eliminate our love and affection to just one day. Don’t be afraid to constantly tell your friends, family and significant others that you love them, and take the time to show them you care. Life is too short to limit ourselves to one day out of the entire year.

On that note, I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine’s Day. I capped mine off with a lady date [my Galentine – because V-Day isn’t just about the people you date], and a late night cuddle sesh with my guy.